What does self-esteem mean to you?
You may think of it as your inner voice – the voice that tells you whether you are good enough to do or achieve something. Self-esteem is about how we value ourselves, our perceptions and beliefs in who we are and what we are capable of. Our self-esteem can be misaligned with other people’s perception of who we are.
Interestingly enough, self-esteem has little to do with actual talent or ability. It’s quite possible for someone who is good at something to have poor self-esteem, while someone who struggles at a particular topic might have good self-esteem.
In the first case, the person might think “I have to give a speech tomorrow and I’m dreading it. I know I’m no good,” even though they are experienced and successful. The other person may be determined to give a good speech and focuses on feeling more confident about the result, even though they display less talent than the first person.
It is easy to see how a lack of self-esteem can influence how a person behaves, not to mention what they achieve in their lives.
Why Do People Experience Low Self-Esteem?
There are ways to boost your self-esteem, even if you feel as if you are struggling to do so.
There are many reasons why someone might have low self-esteem. A feeling of failure can stem from a poor decision or a series of experiences in life that lead to the person feeling down on themselves. For example let’s say that you don’t have confidence in your own abilities and you don’t feel strong enough to resist falling in with the wrong crowd. In this situation you may feel powerless to refuse the offer of drugs when they are presented to you. Thus you take them so you can fit in and feel part of a group, hoping this will increase your self-esteem and confidence. The effects of the drugs may make you feel more confident for a short time, but this is an external force – it does not come from within you. If you become addicted to drugs, any self-esteem you do have will eventually crumble. You will feel depressed at having succumbed to them and you may feel hopeless at the odds of beating the addiction. It sends you into a spiral that can be hard to escape from.
Watch Your Internal Dialogue
However, there are solutions. As you may have guessed, positive internal dialogue is a big part of improving your self-esteem. Instead of saying things like ‘I’m not good enough’ or ‘I’m a failure’ you can start to turn things around by saying ‘I can beat this’ and ‘I can become more confident by viewing myself in a more positive way.’ To begin with you will catch yourself falling back into old negative habits, but with regular effort you can start to feel more positive and build your self-esteem as well.
Help Yourself and Seek Help from Others
Self-esteem varies from situation to situation, from day to day and hour to hour. Some people feel relaxed and positive with friends and colleagues, but uneasy and shy with strangers. Others may feel totally in command of themselves at work but struggle socially (or vice versa).
Everybody is different. Some people are naturally positive and optimistic, maintaining equilibrium when faced with constant difficulties, while others are less so. Some people are good at appearing to be positive and optimistic on the outside while they struggle with low self-esteem and feelings of self-doubt on the inside.
You cannot achieve everything in a day, but you can start taking steps to enhance the way you feel. If you are addicted to drugs or you have problems with overeating or drinking too much, take steps to get help. Focus on changing your daily routine as well, so you become healthier and more positive too. Exercising for half an hour a day is recommended by the World Health Organisation, but it is also enough to improve your general mood. Watching what you eat and trying to maintain a healthy well-balanced diet will help your body and mind function well and could also help to lift your spirits. Adequate good-quality sleep will also help to ensure that your body and mind function optimally.